From Loved To Left.

Hello I am a single father from the Netherlands. I hope my English is good enough to understand. This is my story:

I met my wife in 2003. It was love at first sight. She was the love of my life. We completed each other and had so much fun. Our families mixed very well and I loved her parents. Our children where born in 2010 (Tristan) and 2013 (Fabijn). I was a happy married man. We had friends, we where independent, we had good jobs and we had fun.

Two and a half years ago my biggest fear came true. After losing a lot of weight, starting as a singer in a band, giving singing lessons and going out almost every weekend my wife told me she had doubts. I was shocked. She told me she wanted even more freedom and I gave it to her. She was drifting away from me and the kids. She was hanging with new friends who where in their twenties. A month after her doubt message the word divorce was dropped. I was so depressed. Her parents tried to help just like my parents. We talked about midlife crisis but nothing worked. I tried getting her to therapy. We went for two sessions but she was not open anymore. She told me that she put her name in for the house market a year ago. She was planning this for a long time. From that point everything went so fast. Two months later we where divorced. Telling the kids was and still is the hardest thing I ever did. We made a deal to tell them that we both decided to divorce. It was heartbreaking. The divorce was expensive and to keep my house I had to put all our debts in my name. My ex had to pay a very small part. A lot of money was gone. I still think she put money on the side for a year. I had nothing left. After the divorce my ex lived with me until she found a house. We even shared the bed. In that period she told me she found love in one of her singing students. He was 17 years younger than me (23) and lived with his parents. When she found a house she announced their relationship on Facebook the first weekend and introduced him to the kids. I felt like sitting in a roller coaster and seeing my life passing by and could not get back on the ride or off. 

Now two years later I am still dealing with the heartache and trying to fix my broken heart. My ex is engaged with the 25 year old. She lives a few streets from me. We have good contact and a good co-parent-arrangement. I see the kids 60-40 and they are in my name so I am glad that I have them more then her. It is good for the kids that we have good contact but it is hard sometimes. I still adapt to her. I am too good and sweet. She treats me like her best friend and tells me everything and that can be hard because I do still have feelings for her. I miss my family life so much that it can hurt and breaks my heart. I have very good contact with her family. They miss me and I miss them. I visit them with the kids and we even went on holiday. They don’t like the situation at all and don’t get a long with her boyfriend. He is a young folks singer. Very primitive and simple. Not my type are all. But he is good with the kids and the kids like him and I find that important. There us still a lot to learn but I am proud of where I am now. I need to let go before I can start building a life of my own but I find it difficult to let go when I see her living a second family life so nearby. And I am scared to open my heart again. I don’t know if I can survive another heartbreak. I am having a good life. I am not depressed. I do a lot of great things at work and with my kids and family. But I have doubts if I am truly happy.

It is nice to share my story here and have contact with other single parents. Thanx for listening.


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